Games I like: Assassin's Creed

NOTHING IS TRUE; EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED.

(To be said with great fervor in a heavy Italian accent, or in Arabic that sounds like perfect American. Your call.)

This is so famous that most people have probably heard of it already, but I'll give the lowdown anyway. In Assassin's Creed, you are Desmond Miles, Just Some Guy who was abducted by an evil corporation actually run by the Knights Templar. Using a machine called the Animus, Desmond's captors use him to access the genetic memories of his ancestors, members of the ancient Order of Assassins, to find the secret to ruling the world. Evil conspirators were always so innovative.

Through Desmond, you experience the lives of various long-dead Assassins, discovering shitloads of intrigue and global plots along the way. In the first game, you play as Altaïr Ibn la'Ahad, who suffers from severe aquaphobia and speaks perfect American as he cruises through his native Arab world. This is officially blamed on Animus translating software, but really fuckin' annoying nonetheless considering all the NPCs, whose accents would get them stopped for extra checks in U.S. airports. In the following three games, you assume the role of womanizing, smooth-talking Ezio Auditore da Firenze, a Renaissance Italian who, thanks to the new and improved Animus 2.0, has the benefit of speaking cheesy Italian English just like everybody else. Last but not least, in the upcoming and possibly final game, the ancestor will be Connor Kenway, but you can call him Ratohnhaké:ton. He was alive during the American Revolution, and is apparently five thousand times more awesome than any other assassin because he climbs trees.

Regardless of which game you play, they will all contain parkouring like a boss, both story and side missions that will let you do your job well with an array of sweet weapons, and an engrossing modern-day story of ancient conspiracy.

The first game is repetitive and mostly a necessity story-wise. In the second, elements of a "real game" start showing up, such as varied sidequests and more optional collectibles. We are introduced to a new cast of characters in the modern world, and things in general feel more refined and developed. Oh, and the ending is extremely epic. (The second game is my favorite, unless you couldn't tell.) The next two Ezio-centric games, AC: Brotherhood and AC: Revelations, include the Full Synchronization addition with extra challenges to complete each memory "properly," which makes someone who is bad at the mechanics of gaming (like me) suffer from a permanent inadequacy complex. *sobs forever*

What I like best about Assassin's Creed is the great balance between the dual storylines - romantic historical backdrops alongside modern sci-fi - that tie into each other perfectly and create an awesome sense of continuity and legacy. The characters, especially Desmond and company, have great personalities, gameplay is badass and fun, and it is actually educational! Well, if you read the databases it is. I swear I learned more about Renaissance Italy from these games than I did from my history teacher. Christ.

I'm not even through the starting stages of Revelations yet, but I started playing the first game early this year upon recommendation from a friend, and so far regret nothing. Over a short time, these games have achieved the status "deeply endeared" in my heart. Now excuse me as I go wait for October.


*ENDLESS ASS PUNS*